When resentments build....

When we are in a relationship it is inevitable that you feel angry or resentful at times- completely normal part of a relationship! And if we don't share how we feel (maybe not every instance, but often enough), our resentment of the other can build, walls come up and the distance grows between us.

When in a relationship there is a balance between letting things roll off your back, and also saying what is irritating or bothering you. Letting minor irritations go is very healthy for your relationship- toilet seats, socks on the floor, the bad joke, etc.

If there are patterns of behavior (irresponsibility, disrespect) that continuously bother you, best to speak up! When we don't share how we feel, our resentment builds, and a kind of "numbing" can occur. We feel little or nothing for our significant other, and we wonder if we can ever be emotionally connected again. This numbing occurs because of a long time of not feeling heard, not sharing how we feel, and the distance grows......

When we share how we feel, we become closer. And that closeness sees us through the irritations of life when they happen- and they will! If we can't communicate how we feel, we are not as close and little irritations become much bigger to us.

I know this sounds easier said than done! You both have to be committed to communicating differently than you have in the past. There needs to be space created for both parties to feel heard- maybe not agreed with, but heard. Attempt to understand the other's perspective.

Do not wait for the numbing to occur- its much more difficult to reconnect after that has happened. Share how you feel. If that doesn't' work (usually too much defensiveness and not enough listening), seek out communication books and practice, and if self- help doesn't work, seek out a couples therapist to assist.