Mindful Living

Heartbreaks hurt, but they also deepen us, if we do not shut down. Many people come to counseling due to heartbreaks, and their pain is palpable. It is not fun to have our hearts broken. And it's also a part of being human that our hearts will get broken, sometimes more than once. So what to do if your heart has been broken? Know that you are in good company- it's a universal experience. Take care of yourself- eat healthy, sleep as much as you need to, reach out for support, exercise and get outdoors. Journal your feelings. Know that the pain will lessen with time. Treat yourself gently- now is not the time to criticise or blame yourself. Then when the pain has eased some, you can look at the relationship- what did you learn from it? How did it change you? In what ways were your needs met, or not met? What patterns of behavior might you want to change? And ask yourself what is next? Do not shut down from others and experiences! It is our natural instinct and it's

Being cracked open like an egg, is painful. It seems we get cracked open when great pain or a great challenge comes our way. It sure doesn’t feel good, at least at first, but often it is life’s way of deepening us and opening us up to new experiences that we may have been closed off too. In my own life I had cracks and fissures start to form when I started having children and felt the deepest love, but also the deepest fear, and my walls started to crumble. I could do longer hide behind “having the answers” and thinking I was right about things. I knew I would fail my children in some ways- I couldn’t be the all perfect mother. The world seemed more frightening and dangerous. I was “cracked open” by my love for them, and became a much wiser, understanding person than I was before children. I had a client who got cracked open by a love affair a few years ago. She had shut herself off from love because she did not think she was worthy enough, but then love found her, and her life c

I had felt ashamed of myself since a young age. My parents certainly did the best they could, but you can’t heal what you don’t name- they felt ashamed of themselves, and just passed those feelings onto their children. Shame is a negative emotion, for the most part. There are times when we should feel ashamed (such as when you call others names, deliberately hurt someone, etc), but most of us feel ashamed way to often, and it becomes a way of being, versus a passing feeling. If the shame starts to cause us to feel inherently bad about ourselves, it has taken over. It is no longer just a feeling, but has us in its grip. When we internalize the feeling that there is something wrong with us, we have problems. We all do things wrong make poor choices, say things we don’t mean, etc, but at our CORE, we are OK-worthwhile beings in our own right, who occasionally make mistakes. But when life or other people tell us otherwise, we tend to believe them, at least as children. We don’t have the fi

I feel like I am ready to get another dog, after the death of our beloved 12 year old golden retriever Lucky in April, but the rest of my family is not ready. In fact, my husband has said that if I get a dog he will resent it- not a good way to start off with a new member to the family! I miss animal energy in the house. Feeding leftovers, taking walks and feeling protected at night. The tap tap tap of toenails on the wood floors. The unconditional love. This week I get to watch my brother’s family’s golden retriever, Ingrid, and this is our first morning together. She is old too, like Lucky was, but in much better shape physically, though she is a little chubby. She is at the cabin with me, and she is getting braver and increasing her exploring distance from me, but she also knows where I am at each moment. Her hearing is poor, but her sense of smell is working overtime- there are a lot of animals in the forest, and she is picking up on many of their scents. I want to shave her

Experienced, Ethical, Client-Centered Kettle Moraine Counseling August 2010 Newsletter This summer hasn’t been easy without central air conditioning! The mugginess really got to me, but as I write this newsletter, the weather is perfect- high of mid 70’s during the day and lows in the 50’s at night- very good sleeping weather. We have been trying to get the kids on a better sleeping regiment in anticipation of school starting- but it hasn’t been going too well. Thank goodness we have a few weeks yet to change these habits. Most of us as parents want to start the school year off on a good foot. Here are some tips to make that happen: 1. Start the sleep schedule a few weeks ahead of time. 2. Try and be consistent with schedules and meal times. Healthy eating and exercise can go a long way in helping us feel strong and adapt to change. 3. Make homework a priority and part of the routine. When doesn’t matter, but a routine does. As your children get older, give them more responsibility for

My sister brought some old Time magazines to our cabin last year. I mean really old ones, dating from the late 1960’s to late 1970’s. OK, maybe that’s not REALLY old to some of us, but they are so enjoyable to read! And I can’t help to compare and contrast to our current society, and I love the similarities and differences! The contrasts are that the advertisements (mainly cars, booze and cigarettes) are not as flashy as our current ads are (and there weren’t as many ads as we have now). The old ads have a lot of words, and sometimes you have to read a paragraph to understand what they are selling! I think we had a greater attention span back then. Also, the articles are longer and more complicated- I have to focus my attention to understand what they are saying. Were we smarter then? The world sections are large and varied- in some ways we knew more about what was happening outside or our country than we do now. For the comparisons, I am relieved to say that we had large financ

I see many people who carry wounds with them into adulthood often because they were "different" as children/teens. How difficult it is to not "fit in"? To be made fun of because of our weight, clothes, lisp, height, teeth, naivety, etc. So many times our physical features are what we are made fun of about, and it smarts. I have seen people with complexes about chest size, feet size, bone curvature, teeth- things we have absolutely no control over. I will see a beautiful person in front of me, both inside and out, but they don't see what I see. And our work begins! In some cases, we feel stronger because of the adversity- we are stronger in our beliefs and enjoy being our own person with our idiosyncrasies. And how wonderful that is when it makes us stronger inside and more OK with ourselves! Do not believe the negative things you were told about yourself! All it was, was people who were deeply wounded hurting others because they didn't know what to do about