Mindful Living

We all experience defensiveness at one time or another, and for some of us it's an enduring pattern in our relationships.  Being defensive means we are quick to "defend" our point of view and not really listen to what the other is saying.  Often times we become defensive because our thoughts/feelings/opinions have been devalued or invalidated over long periods of time, and we have learned to "defend" ourselves at the first sign of any disagreements. Although I think defensiveness is common, I do think that if there is too much of it in a relationship it causes us to withdraw or defend and can escalate disagreements or even agreements to an all out fight. The cure to defensiveness in a relationship is two fold.  1. Do not be afraid to look at yourself and adjust your behavior if your partner is expressing a need/want that is not being filled. 2. Consciously look for areas of agreement or find something in what your partner is saying that you can agree wi

I have recently went back to meditation after taking a long break, and it's only been a week, and I am seeing some benefits:   I am more calm, I don't get "hooked" onto whatever I am feeling at the moment( as much), I am sleeping better, and my mood is lifted.  All that for 2 ten minute sessions a day- what a bargain! The meditation that I am practicing is mindfulness.  What that means is just being mindful of your body, surroundings and breath.  Thoughts and feelings will come and go and we just allow them to pass through us. It is gentle and pretty easy to do, as long as you don't get caught up in doing in "right".  The more pressure we put on our mind to focus, the more difficult it is. Mindfulness has been shown to help many things, from better sleep, lessen anxiety and depression, reduce stress, help physical ailments and reduce ADHD symptoms.  Here is a link to a paper on the benefits of mindfulness. http://marc.ucla.edu/workfiles/pdfs/