Mindful Living

I see many couples in my practice and this is a question I get often.  So I think it is good to clarify it to myself and clients. My approach to couples counseling is that the relationship is my client, not the individuals.  How this works is that I am looking for things to strengthen the relationship and I care what each individual says/feels, but I relate that information back to the relationship and how it impacts the love between the two.  My job is to make the relationship better, and sometimes that means helping each individual feel better (particularly if they have depression or anxiety), but almost always, by helping the relationship get stronger, both individuals naturally feel better. Sometimes people come to me who are not ready for couples counseling, and that is OK.  Maybe they have some doubts about being in the relationship that they need to work through, or they have significant personal issues they need to address first. When I take a couple on for counseling

Happy Holidays!  Things are going well here at the clinic.  Lester Menke and Tammy Ricke are both seeing clients exclusively at our Cedarburg office now.  If you would like an appointment with one of them, you can call the main clinic phone at 262.334.4340.  In this newsletter Jennifer Skinner has written about sleep habits and getting good sleep- an important topic with the hectic holidays!  Jennifer is seeing clients at the West Bend office and the Cedarburg office.  A lot of people have been feeling under the weather lately; it's a good time to make sure you are taking care of yourself with sleep, diet and exercise.  I know I feel so much better when I exercise and have good sleep.  I am currently fighting a cold and if I had taken better care of myself by honoring my sleep schedule, I would probably have been able to fight it off .   Til next time, keep hand sanitizer near by ; ) Devona Marshall  Clinic Director Sleep                  By Jennifer Skinner As we soon

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, there is a lot to be said about being thankful and expressing gratitude. When we are conscious of what we are thankful for, we are focusing on what is good in our lives (and there is always good).  The more we focus on the good in our lives, the more positive we feel.  Conversely the more we focus on the negative in our lives (and there is always negative things), the more negative we feel. Is it always easy?  Nope.  But we are retraining our mind when we consciously set out to focus on the positives.  And retraining our minds is not easy, but it can be done.  The more we focus on the positive, the more those brain connections grow and the easier it becomes.  After many years of practice, I can say that it is (almost!) normal for me to see the silver lining in most situations.  But I didn't start out that way. Many years ago, I had a negative view of myself and the world; and now I tend to see the world as good, and myself as having good intent

Clinic News:  Counselors and Social Workers have to attend ethics training every 2 years to keep their licenses active, so last week I attended ethics training focused around the Internet and how it has changed the counseling field- in many ways for the good, but there are some privacy concerns with the Internet.    After the training, I know I will be more careful on what personal information I put out there on the Internet, because it's really hard to retract information.   For those of us with children at home, some tips the trainer gave us was to 1. Monitor Internet use (but also know that the kids are smarter than us electronically and will come up with ways around our monitoring) 2. Educate kids on the dangers of the Internet and putting your information out there.  3.  Also explain cyber bullying and what it is, how to avoid it and how not to participate in it.  And a note for us adults: some employers are looking us up via Facebook and other Social Media sites

October 2012 Newsletter Kettle Moraine Counseling   Fall leaves are turning earlier this year; the Northwood’s’ leaves were at peak a week ago- sure is beautiful outside right now.   I am going to NYC to see my oldest in a few weeks and I am very excited to spend some time with him. The concrete sidewalks in NYC really hurt my feet so I am looking for good walking shoes (looking at clogs with good support), but I can never find comfortable shoes for my wide feet : ( .   At the clinic, Tammy Ricke and Lester Menke have moved over to the Cedarburg office where they will be seeing clients.   That makes 4 therapists at Cedarburg: Tammy, Lester, Jennifer Skinner and JoEllyn Schultz.   Deb Graf and Christina Lachner are doing some training for foster families, and I have included that information in this newsletter.   Badgercare has had some recent changes with United Healthcare no longer being a provider and some clinics no longer taking Badgercare clients.   At our clinic w

I am an anxious person so I know the ins and outs of anxiety well. When we are feeling anxious and worried a lot, we are very focused on the thoughts we are having. The thoughts can become all consuming, and it's hard to see past them. What if, what if, what if- our thoughts go round and round, without giving us a break. We become more and more keyed up, more fearful of the impending doom. We become so focused on our thoughts, that other more rational views cannot penetrate. We dismiss those more calm scenarios, because the fear button has been activated and takes over. Our fearful thoughts become more and more the only thing we can see. This is exhausting emotionally and physically. Our flight or fight instinct is activated and nothing else exists. The self centeredness comes because we cannot see beyond our own thoughts- those fear thoughts become our only focus. The good things in our life get dismissed, which is sad because the good things in our lif

September 2012 Newsletter Kettle Moraine Counseling Back to school time!! Our youngest, Lara, starts her last year of high school tomorrow. It’s my last year sending a child to school, and if feels bittersweet. We will take a picture of her on the porch with our dog like we do every year, and she will be so tired when she gets home; she is going to pay for all the late summer nights. Good luck to all the parents and kids going back to school. This newsletter features some articles on how to make the transition easier on the whole family. I have been expanding my reading repertoire lately; just finished Truman (home spun ethical man), and Glass Castle (a memoir on an unusual family, which made me thankful for regular meals!). Next I am reading Thinking, Fast and Slow , then onto Truck and Coop by a northern Wisconsin writer. With the days getting shorter I will have more time to read, as long as I stay away from TV ; ). Enjoy the cooler weather and be good to yourself!

Contrary to what many of us believe, many extramarital affairs do not happen because there is something missing in our marriage/long term relationship. We are led to believe that by the media, and even as therapists we are taught that "people don't seek affairs unless they are unhappy". As a marital therapists, I have found that this is often not the case! Partners report to me that they are happy in their relationship and often cannot identify anything that they would like to have changed. The partner who had the affair often cannot say "why" they did it, and are very confused about their own behavior. This is the first in a series of blogs I will be writing about affairs. So what leads one party into the arms (whether physical or emotional) of another? I have some ideas...... We all like the feeling of being "wanted" of feeling attractive and desired. The truth for most of us is that we will be attracted to others over our lifetime, and

I am a little late getting the newsletter out this month, due to vacation in the northwoods all of last week. It was a nice time, but awfully hot! The Cedarburg office has moved down the road to a bigger office. Moving is usually not fun, but it will be good for the staff and clients. JoEllyn Schultz and Jennifer Skinner are currently seeing clients there, and Tammy Ricke and Lester Menke will also be working out of that office. In this issue, Lori Landy sent over some interesting information on teens and alcohol use, plus Christina Lachner writes about summertime! Some of my favorite summer activities are all outdoors; swimming (I so want a pool), biking, looking at stars (and fireflies), tubing and kayaking. My oldest will also be visiting next month : ) Summer always seems to go by so fast, so try and make the most of it! Devona Marshall Wow, it’s already July!!! by Christina Lachner MS TLPC As promised here is a continuation of last month’s eas

I usually do not write about  political issues, and frankly in some areas I am not informed enough to comment!  But I remember a person..... Whom I saw in jail, and he had cancer in his jaw.  He was in his early 30's.  He had a job with no health insurance.  He was in pain, and the cancer was eating away at his jaw.  He was holding his jaw while we talked. But he did not have health insurance or money to pay for treatment.... Maybe it's a failing of his doctors, his employer, himself or the healthcare system. But I still think about him from time to time. I hope he got the treatment he needed. Before it was too late.

In my practice and in life, I have encountered many people who report they have fallen out of love.  When asked to describe what that means, I am usually told: I no longer feel attracted to him/her There is no passion in our relationship We are not close at all I don't feel cared about I don't feel like I used to feel He/She doesn't KNOW me Most of us want to have the in love feeling all the time, but truth be told, in any long term relationship, that in love feeling will ebb and flow- sometimes strong, sometimes not there.  It's normal and best to not pathologize the relationship when it happens or get yourself worked up into a tizzy over it! But, not feeling in love, could be a sign that you are not paying enough attention to your relationship.  Are you taking time to nourish the relationship?  Spending quality time together?  Being intimate, both emotionally and physically?  Not letting resentments fester (a HUGE factor

What's the cure for  low self esteem?  Being kinder to yourself!  Sounds much easier than it really is. We spend so much time "beating ourselves up" over all our mistakes, and then we wonder why we don't feel very good about ourselves.  Self compassion will raise your self esteem, but not in an "oh I am so special" type of way, but in a real, 'we are all flawed humans making our way through life the best we can'  type of way. Being kind to yourself means that when you make a mistake, you tell yourself that it's OK, you will do better next time; take the lesson from the mistake and then move on. Self kindness means that you know you aren't perfect and you will mess up, but it does not mean you are a horrible person for making a mistake!  Compassion to self means you ask yourself what you need and you take care of your needs, because you are important; it does not mean that your needs are more important than others' needs.  Many of

June 2012 Newsletter Happy Summer!   We went for our first swim a few weeks ago, and it was brisk! I really enjoy swimming and being in water so I hope the weather warms up.   Our Cedarburg office is moving July 1st! But it’s only 1 block away from the current office.   The space is larger, and we can see more clients there.   Jennifer Skinner and JoEllyn Schultz are the primary therapists out of the Cedarburg office (for now!).   Jennifer joins us this month and we are happy to have her on board!   She has been a school counselor for a few years and sees children and adults.   She will be in West Bend one day a week and Cedarburg 2 days a week.   I have included her profile in this newsletter.   She can be reached at Jennifer@kettlemorainecounseling.com   or by calling the clinic.   Until next time, be gentle with yourself and others.                           Devona Marshall   Clinic Director Jennifer Skinner, M.S., T.L.P.

Jennifer Skinner, M.S., T.L.P.C., L.P.S.C. Jennifer is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Professional School Counselor with experience working with children, adolescents, adults, and families who present with a wide range of clinical needs. She creates a safe, healing environment that is focused on enhancing a client’s resources and strengths. From this foundation, clients are able to identify challenges and set goals, so that they can begin to make changes that will positively affect their lives and sense of self.   Prior to joining Kettle Moraine Counseling, Jennifer worked as a clinical intern at an outpatient clinic with a culturally diverse population of at-risk youth who experienced severe trauma including physical, sexual, and emotional abuse, and neglect. Many of the children she worked with display symptoms such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, impulsivity, and aggression. She also currently works as a school counselor and has experience with facilitat

Being the youngest of 10 children, I probably got more attention than my siblings did, particularly from my mother.  My mom, Jeanette, was very good with babies; she could magically calm them down, when the rest of us had no success.  My first child was born when I was very young myself, and having Jeanette as my mother really helped me to develop myself as a parent.  By watching her, I learned to bathe, sooth, feed and comfort him.  One night she came home from work and he had been fussy for hours, and nothing could calm him; she took him from me and within moments he was calm and sleeping- she couldn't stand to see a baby cry!  As the babies got older, she wasn't so good with them asserting their independence, but she was the best baby soother I have ever seen. When I was giving birth to my first son, my mother was outside the room waiting and listening.  Although she had 10 children, she knew little about childbirth because of the wonders of pain medication with s

Just got back from visiting my son in NYC. Great trip, but tiring. NYC is a wonderful city, but also overwhelming, especially if you are introverted! My oldest child has created a nice life for himself and I am proud of him. Our clinic will have a new therapist joining us next month; her name is Jennifer Skinner and she will see children/adults. More information on her will be sent next month. Christina Lachner is up and running and seeing many clients- she is doing a fantastic job and even wrote something for our newsletter this month. As Mothers Day approaches, I always think about and miss my own mother who died in 2004. If you are blessed with still having a mother alive, be grateful and let her know how much you love her! I hope all is well with you and yours! Best, Devona L Marshall Clinic Director ____________________________________________ It’s May 2012! Happy Mother’s Day ! I realize that many of our Parents/Guardians are starting to plan

Happy spring!!! I am getting outside more and have been biking/walking. My sisters and I biked to Campbellsport (love the bike trail!) and back a few weekends ago and had a great time. People are commenting on how "tan" I am. I feel embarrassed, because with a family history of melanoma, I shouldn't be tan at all!! But it's from getting outside more often. Prom is coming up and we are doing dress shopping; we picked one out, but the dresses are sure different now from when I was a teen! At the end of April I will be going to NYC to see my oldest child for a visit- I miss him so much, and we need some son-mom time. Christina Lachner has joined our clinic, and we are so happy to have her on board! I have included her bio in this newsletter. She sees children, teens and adults. Included is our research update, which informs us that feeding babies on demand may raise their IQ, fast food is linked to depression, and helicopter moms are interfering with dating! En