Mindful Living

I have had a recent resurgence in my sleep disorder so I thought it was a good time to do some educating about disorders of the sleep wake cycle. I have a condition called hypnagogic hallucinations.  This is a disorder of the sleep/wake cycle where you can have auditory or visual hallucinations at the onset of your brain entering sleep.   This disorder usually appears in the teens or childhood (although many will outgrow it) I was not one of the lucky ones.  There is usually other family members with a sleep disorder also.  When I first started experiencing these I was terrified and thought that "evil spirits" were trying to get me at night.  I spent many years going to therapists who did not know what they were either and were not sure how to advise me. You are dreaming but you are still awake. " Hypnagogic hallucinations are dreams that intrude on wakefulness, which can cause visual, auditory, or touchable sensations."  From  http://www.americansleeplabs.

From the director :  It's been a long time!  Life had gotten away from me and I have not done a newsletter in quite some time. Instead of monthly newsletters we will now do quarterly- which will be more manageable but I will also have more to say!  As for me personally I now have 3 children in college and a partial empty nest (one child at home). I had a health scare over the summer that turned out fine; worried for nothing . But I also know that as I age health problems will continue to occur so best to take care of myself better.   Exercising is pretty easy to do consistently for me and I have been meditating daily but eating well is a downfall for me especially when I am too busy.  Spending time outdoors in nature is very stress reducing for me and this time of year is perfect for walking outdoors.   This weekend I will be up north hopefully enjoying the fall colors.   As for the clinic we are fortunate to announce that Erin Perez LPC has joined us!  She comes to us with m

It sure seems as though life keeps changing and I am experiencing transition after transition.  Mid-life brings some good and some difficult challenges;  there are family changes, physical changes, and career changes all hitting around the same time.  Yikes!! Peri- menopause has not been a cake walk.  It feels like I have more hormonal changes than when I was in puberty!  Most days I have been able to stay emotionally balanced, but I credit that to daily exercise and meditation.  I can't handle heat like I used to and sleep can be difficult with the occasional hot flash.  My body doesn't heal as fast; I recently fell off my bike and it took weeks for  the aching to stop. I am not having career changes right now, but I see people around me who are looking for work that is more meaningful to them.  I do find meaning in my work and I feel blessed for that.  We don't want to work as many hours, we want more balance and more control over our time- all very positive thin

I have recently finished the book Falling Upward and I was deeply moved by it.  The author is a Franciscan Catholic priest,  with a keen understanding of the two parts of life.  The first part, where we build our ego, decide who we are in the world, get a career/job, relationship and establish boundaries, and then the second half of life where we become deeper thinkers, reevaluate goals, become more inclusive and wiser. I highly recommend the book, but one idea he talked about that struck me was necessary suffering.  There are things in life that will cause us to suffer, some are necessary and some suffering it not necessary at all. Failing is necessary suffering.  None of us go through life moving from success to success.  When we fail we learn so much, and it can also be so painful.  1st stage of life suffering: we don't get into the college we want, we don't make the sports team, we get dumped, we learn the limits of money, our parents let us down, the world lets us

We all experience defensiveness at one time or another, and for some of us it's an enduring pattern in our relationships.  Being defensive means we are quick to "defend" our point of view and not really listen to what the other is saying.  Often times we become defensive because our thoughts/feelings/opinions have been devalued or invalidated over long periods of time, and we have learned to "defend" ourselves at the first sign of any disagreements. Although I think defensiveness is common, I do think that if there is too much of it in a relationship it causes us to withdraw or defend and can escalate disagreements or even agreements to an all out fight. The cure to defensiveness in a relationship is two fold.  1. Do not be afraid to look at yourself and adjust your behavior if your partner is expressing a need/want that is not being filled. 2. Consciously look for areas of agreement or find something in what your partner is saying that you can agree wi

I have recently went back to meditation after taking a long break, and it's only been a week, and I am seeing some benefits:   I am more calm, I don't get "hooked" onto whatever I am feeling at the moment( as much), I am sleeping better, and my mood is lifted.  All that for 2 ten minute sessions a day- what a bargain! The meditation that I am practicing is mindfulness.  What that means is just being mindful of your body, surroundings and breath.  Thoughts and feelings will come and go and we just allow them to pass through us. It is gentle and pretty easy to do, as long as you don't get caught up in doing in "right".  The more pressure we put on our mind to focus, the more difficult it is. Mindfulness has been shown to help many things, from better sleep, lessen anxiety and depression, reduce stress, help physical ailments and reduce ADHD symptoms.  Here is a link to a paper on the benefits of mindfulness. http://marc.ucla.edu/workfiles/pdfs/

My family is transitioning right now, and I struggle with the changes.  My youngest child is graduating from high school and is currently the only child at home (this may be changing in the near future), and it feels odd and quiet in the house (and cleaner!). The years of raising children do go by very fast, although it often does not feel like that when you are in the midst of it.  I know they all still need me, even my oldest in NYC, but it's more an emotional need and not the day to day clamor of family life. Being the youngest of 10, I never appreciated how difficult it was for my mother when I left home.  The good thing though is that she encouraged me to leave, even though it left her alone for the first time in her life, and she never really did make the transition well; she survived but did not thrive in her new role. My husband and I have never been alone without children, and I see the changes in our relationship.  We are going to need to get used to being alon

Because anxiety are I are close friends, I know the anguish that one experiences when it can become the ONLY emotion that you feel.  Anxiety can be more difficult to treat than depression, and like depression once you have it once, you must be ever watchful for signs that it is coming back. Irrational fears dominate our thoughts, our brain gets activated, and we feel anxious, "keyed up", "can't relax" "always on guard"  "feel impending doom".  And this cycle will continue until we recognize what is happening and work at changing it. When I see someone who is in the midst of a severe anxiety episode, sometimes they will argue with me that their irrational thoughts (they have a brain tumor) are really rational, or they will know that they are irrational (afraid to drive) but feel helpless in changing it. Many times they are looking for reassurances from others because it is a very frightening place to be all by yourself with your fears,

Happy New Year!  I like new beginnings, so a new year feels good.  Problem is I don't often like endings, LOL.  But we must have endings in order to have something new begin in our lives.  On New Years Day I wrote down what I wanted to leave behind in 2012 and what I wanted to bring in to 2013.  It was a good exercise, and made me realized how fortunate I am.  Gratitude is a powerful emotion; it changes our outlook on life.   There is some research coming out that gratitude actually changes our brains- now that is some powerful stuff! Things are well at the Kettle Moraine Counseling.  We have openings for clients, so if you or someone you know needs some extra help, don't hesitate to call. At home I am keeping some of my holiday lights up as a reminder that the days are getting longer and the light shall return : )  In the research update I have included research on expressing anger and how much we change over time!   Til next time, be gentle with yourself and others. De