FALL 2014 Newsletter
Transitions
by Julianne Morrison
Recently I marked the occasion of my “emptying nest” with a month-long countdown – I called it pre-grieving, and I think it helped me to proactively process some of the significant emotional process involved with this life transition—most days I wrote a little, lots of those I cried a little too! Last month I took my youngest off to college, and here was her send-off...
#31) My daughter, who claims to have the arm strength of an earthworm, every day whips open?/closed? the shower curtain with such superhuman strength, that she manages to dislodge two or three hooks which I fix, every single day, when I take my shower. I will miss my daughter's superhero strength.
#30) My daughter does this thing, even at 18, where the first thing in the morning (or let's face it, afternoon) when she gets up, on her own, body sated with sleep, that her eyes are these big wide-eyed beautiful brown pools. Every day when I'm home to see it, I think of when she was a tiny baby and looked up at me with those same eyes, and I am newly awash-ed with love and the luck I feel to be her & her brother's mom. I'm maybe going to miss that a little.
#29) I'm not going to miss buying the chicken nuggets that my daughter eats for breakfast almost every day--no more pink slime in my shopping cart!
#28) My daughter keeps my artistic spirit alive. I have never presumed that any arts I've participated in have risen above crafts, but nevertheless ART--musical, visual, tactile--feeds my soul, and both of my kids remind me of that, through substantive participation in creating things. I love coming home to see her painting a pair of shoes, practicing violin, or teaching herself a new knitting stitch; it reminds me to seek balance in my life. I am going to miss daily access to my daughter's creativity.
#27) Blankie capes. 50 degrees or 90 degrees. Because: warmth & security.
#26) The cynicism, because I recognize that it's protective in nature--like a natural protective coating they develop these last few years when the facade falls away and they realize all the ways that the world is disappointing--many of which we've hid from them growing up. To my daughter: I celebrate your cynicism & sarcasm, not only because it's really funny a lot of the time.
#25) Not being there for me to talk into a bike ride through bug invested swamps, which are way more fun with my daughter than alone.
#24) The hair ties, the hoodies, the paintbrushes, the journals, the headphones, the backpacks, the shoes, the chocolate wrappers, the Liechtenstein flags, the colored pencils and the flip flops, the scrap yarn and the bow ties, the sketchbooks and the chap-stick: or as I like to call it—desk~side my daughter detritus. I have plans for the area where she camps out most days, but it's really just an effort to fill the hole she and her stuff will leave.
#23) I will miss the common socializing that seeing my daughter every day brings into my life. I love sharing my friends with her -- watching her take part in our girls' nights, and withdraw/reject when it's not her cup of tea (we will make you a scary movie fan yet),
. . . I think that we exist to connect with other people, and when I see how good she is at that—I feel proud and happy . . .
#22) My daughter has the best friends, and I love peripherally watching her interact with them -- hearing her joke and laugh and advise and strategize and support and have fun with them. I will miss having a cacophony of people bid me good night when I turn in, while she is still playing Minecraft. I'm looking forward to hearing about the new connections she forges away at school.
#21) Having someone around to hear my shrieking when I find a mouse in the basement. Screw female empowerment -- I want someone to take care of that for me – or at least be moral support. (Note: Actually, FYI, I don't care what gender they are.)
#20) Looking forward to having no real responsibility for anyone but myself . . . She's got it covered. Good thing that sometimes, I get to feel a bit maternal at work too.
#19) My daughter will almost always come outside with me to look at the moon just because it's cool that night, and she usually thinks it's just as cool as I do, or at least she's good at pretending.
#18) I will miss help with chores. Thankfully, she doesn't tolerate the Barney "clean up" song anymore, but my daughter always pitches in when I declare a 'power cleaning' afternoon. Also, update: I haven't had to fix the shower curtain hooks since that post. See #31.
#17) Being a part of my daughter's medical & dental trials and tribulations over the years has made me privy to the remarkable resilience and bravery, tolerance and patience that she exhibits when faced with those challenges. Time and again, it's been fuel for me to check my own reactions, and keep things in perspective. Bravery is contagious, in a good way, and it's been an epidemic over here.
#16) My favorite knitting partner: my daughter. So glad we found something that we both like this much. Skype knitting won't be the same.
#15) Few people know me better than my daughter does, and those relationships are such a gift, not the least of reasons being that they tend to be an opportunity for growth, right, since those are typically the only people that we trust to call us out on things. Thanks for helping me learn about myself & how to be better.
#14) I like watching my daughter interact with our extended family. I adore seeing the tenderness that I see she has for my mom, that she has let herself feel and show a lot more in the last couple of years. It's completing the circle, and it's life-affirming and wholly fulfilling.
#13) I will miss the unassuming nature--both my kids are refreshingly unconcerned with things...so much so that it's been irritating for me to get her to finally get shopping and prepared in that sense for her journey off to college. She literally just doesn't care that much about stuff, I can tell that her relationships are way more important, and it's reassuring to me that in some ways, my work here IS done.
#12) I will miss my daughter's help with our dog--he is a perennial puppy and could never get enough affection, he will miss your loving touch and firm words too. I hope I can be everything he needs, I can't wait to see him reunite with you on your trips home.
#11) My daughter makes the best cards. She lays it all on the line, and tells you how she feels about you, I love them, and her, and I'm glad I don't have to give those up--stamps are a small price to pay.
#10) Mine will be the only Chuck Taylors in the house. :(
#9) Good night hugs. Skype can't do that. Not the ones I like, anyway. Be prepared, my dear, for compensatory hugs....you can ask your brother what these reunions are like. They are tight and long, like some ridiculously powerful firewire-- they transfer loads & loads of stored-up love downloads~uploads. I will miss every-night hugs; I am looking forward to reunion hugs.
#8) There has to be less laundry, right? And dishes!
#7) I will miss being a daily witness to my daughter's self-awareness and resilience. I love seeing how well she knows herself, how strong she is in holding to her principles, and the varied strategies she employs to compensate when she is unsatisfied with her default reactions & tendencies. My own dedication to self-improvement has been indescribably bolstered by this.
#6) Finding things in the couch cushions, or worse yet, having the dog find them!
#5) I will miss Sunday nights. Our routine for the longest time—Chinese takeout, eaten with chopsticks, in front of the TV on Sunday nights to watch DVR of last week's Project Runway. I always looked forward to starting my week in that way, and I will miss it a lot. Favorite show, favorite food, favorite blankie, favorite company. Xmas break marathon, maybe? (I said, hopefully)
#4) I won't miss the tissue bits in the laundry--full disclosure: I don't check pockets so a shared responsibility here.
#3) I will miss my favorite sushi partner. Reference earlier post re: bravery; she's discovered my favorite varieties. Bright side: Have previously found good sushi in Madison.
#2) Good night Hugs. (yes I know it's a repeat)
#1) I hear, and admittedly have used, this term "empty nest," which is supposed to refer to my parental developmental stage. Not surprisingly, I'm not fond of this term to describe how I feel personally. Because so far, although admittedly I'm not officially "empty" yet . . . My sense is that instead what I feel is an incredible fullness; my heart and soul are inflated with the love and hopes I continue to carry and nurture for both my children, even though they are adults primarily residing outside my home. <3 p="">
Journal-ing can be such a rewarding way to process, recognize, release, and reorganize our emotional responses. It can be heavy stuff we put on the paper!—consider releasing expectations about how long or how often you “should” write. Smaller digestible quotes, thoughts or bullet points can release negative emotions at manageable levels, positive chunks can be a beacon for a day or event, gratitude soundbites are delicious!, and sharing our deepest emotions with trusted loved ones, no matter the size of the helping, strengthens our relationships and starts conversation toward intimacy. So identify your emotions, get them down, and share your truth, both you and the universe are better for it!
GROUPS::
Kids YOGA Therapy Group
Tuesdays, 4:30–5:30pm, 6-week series: October 14th – November 18th
At Kettle Moraine Counseling Center in West Bend, WI
Would you like to enhance your child’s ability to manage stress, symptoms of ADHD,
depression, anxiety, trauma, improve overall health and well-being,
and learn new coping skills?
Yoga Therapy teaches healthy coping skills to manage symptoms and stress, encourages children to
develop personal confidence and strength, along with connection with themselves and others. Yoga
enhances ones physical, emotional, and mental health, in a fun and enjoyable way.
YOGA THERAPY GROUP FOR ADULTS
Tuesdays, 2:30–3:45pm, 6-week series: October 14th – November 18th
At Kettle Moraine Counseling Center in West Bend, WI
Do you ever feel out of balance?
Do you feel stressed or struggle with depression or anxiety symptoms?
Do you have the desire to have improved mood, self-worth, develop coping and stress management skills
you can use, and reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety?
If YES – this yoga therapy group is for you!
layne@kettlemorainecounseling.com
Social Skills Group for Children Ages 7-9
Dates and Times:
★ 6-Week Series
★ Thursdays from 6:30-7:30pm
★ October 9th-November 13th
★ Group size minimum 2- maximum 4
About the Group:
★
Social skills are the skills we
use to get along with others and are necessary in order to associate with
others on a daily basis: at school, during play and at work.
★
The group is designed to help
children learn and practice the basic social skills needed in order to develop
and maintain healthy relationships. The group will utilize games and fun
exercises to help the children explore and learn the most important social
skills.
★
Some targeted social skills:
initiating play, turn taking, initiating conversation, holding a conversation,
listening skills, and asking questions.
Sessions held at: Kettle Moraine Counseling Center W62 N281 Washington
Ave Cedarburg, WI
Register by October 3rd, 2014 by calling 414-678-1182 or
emailing sara@kettlemorainecounseling.com
ART THERAPY GROUP Teen Girls
Managing Emotions
Thursday 5 pm until 630 pm
OCT 16- NOV 20
Angela@kettlemorainecounseling.com
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