Mindful Living

I am an introvert, and I get tired of hearing from some psychological research that extroverts are healthier and happier than introverts, and that we should encourage extroversion in ourselves and our children. Are relationships important? Yes. But so is the relationship with ourselves, which is what introverts excel at. I love extroverts, and am thankfully married to one, but the idea that gets permeated that introverts are social misfits, unhappy at that, gets tiring. The myths of introversion: 1. They don't have social skills. Wrong! They just don't need to talk a lot and tend to be OK with quiet. I have good social skills, and I am introverted. I have been called stand offish at times by others, but usually that means that I am overstimulated. 2. Introverts aren't as happy as extroverts. We all need relationships, and as long as an introvert has some close relationships in their life- that is all they need to meet their social needs. They don't need the constant soc...

I witnessed a disturbing encounter last week at a grocery store “up north”. My husband and I were walking out with our groceries and a father with his younger teen children; a boy and a girl were ahead of us. The father was yelling at the son and cuffing him in the head. The father kept getting angrier and angrier, the boy listened and the girl was quietly walking behind them. In a matter of seconds, the father grabbed the son by his neck and pushed him up against the window. I froze, but my husband did not. He grabbed the father and threw him off his son and gave him some choice words about hitting minors and being a father. The father’s face went from absolute rage to surprise, and I hope, embarrassment. He quickly got out of the store and his kids followed him to the car. We were both shocked by this experience. My husband thought I was just going to allow it to happen, but in reality I froze. My guess is that if my husband wasn’t there I would’ve tried to intervene verbal...

Relationship Check Up How is your relationship doing? Answer the following questions to see where you are at! 1. Generally, do you feel loved and supported by your partner? 2. Is your intimacy satisfying for both of you in frequency and quality? 3. Are there trust issues or resentments in your relationship that have not been resolved? 4. When you fight can you usually resolve the issue and feel understood by each other? Eventually? 5. Do you enjoy spending time together? 6. What emotional needs are not being met by your partner? Which ones are? 7. What is going well in your relationship? Celebrate those things! If you think that your relationship needs some outside help, a couple’s therapist could be beneficial. Devona Marshall sees couples for many issues, including intimacy concerns, disconnect, and trust issues. She can be reached at 262.334.4340

"I built a wall and I don't know how to take it down". So many of us protect ourselves by putting walls up from our loved ones, and then we feel disconnected, unloved, no spark, and lonely. I understand walls well because I have built my fair share of them. And I know the walls keep us separated from others, and it can be so hard to trust so that our walls can come down. But in order to be close, the wall has to be penetrated. First off you must trust in yourself enough to know you can handle the wall coming down (at least part way). You must trust that you will be able to care for yourself without the wall. And know that most people do not intentionally hurt us. We are all wounded, and we trigger each other's wounds when we are in a close relationship. Acknowledge your wounding and talk about it, maybe not with your partner, but with someone else who can listen and validate the feelings. Journal it, sing it, draw it-anything that allows you to express the hur...

As a young girl I wanted to be a veterinarian, then a singer, but by high school I was stumped. Career testing was somewhat helpful, but I didn't really understand it or what it meant for me. And most importantly, I didn't have good female role models who had careers they enjoyed. I see dreams change for my children as they get older, and I think that it is a "maturing", but it makes me feel a little sad also. My oldest wanted to be a model and moved to NYC partly for the reason, but it hasn't developed as he would have liked and is now going to go back to college. My other son loves sports- and had dreams of playing professionally (whether realistic or not), but those dreams are now gone for him, and he is looking into technical school programs. I am sure this is the natural process of coming to grips with our limitations and our strengths, but I can see the disappointment in them at times and it hurts. Can these other paths they take be really good for them? Abs...

Experienced Ethical Client Centered Kettle Moraine Counseling July 2010 Newsletter The heat is on! Plants are growing- I got my first cucumber off my plant this past week, and the grape tomatoes are on the plants, but not ready for picking yet. On my bike ride, I see a lot of wild raspberries ready for picking, and I hope to make it to the strawberry patch soon- yummy strawberry shortcake. I hope you enjoy your summer- moonlit strolls, grill outs, and fireflies! Devona __________________________________________________________________________________________ Don’t over schedule your children this summer- down time is essential for imagination and play! ___________________________________________________________________________________________ Research Highlights: Is exercise the best drug for depression? June 19, 2010, TIME Magazine Despite limited data, the trials all seem to point in the same direction: Exercise boosts mood. It not only relieves depress...