Mindful Living

When we are in a relationship it is inevitable that you feel angry or resentful at times- completely normal part of a relationship! And if we don't share how we feel (maybe not every instance, but often enough), our resentment of the other can build, walls come up and the distance grows between us. When in a relationship there is a balance between letting things roll off your back, and also saying what is irritating or bothering you. Letting minor irritations go is very healthy for your relationship- toilet seats, socks on the floor, the bad joke, etc. If there are patterns of behavior (irresponsibility, disrespect) that continuously bother you, best to speak up! When we don't share how we feel, our resentment builds, and a kind of "numbing" can occur. We feel little or nothing for our significant other, and we wonder if we can ever be emotionally connected again. This numbing occurs because of a long time of not feeling heard, not sharing how we feel, and the distanc...

One of the best communication skills for couples that I have come across is a way to reduce defensiveness in our relationship. This is difficult to do, but greatly increases the closeness and understanding with your significant other. When communicating about heated topics, searching for and acknowledging areas of agreement can be very powerful in helping both parties feel understood and to reduce the chances of stalemate. For example, if you are disagreeing over discipline for your teen, acknowledging that you both love the child and are trying to do what is best can greatly reduce the defensiveness and eventually lead to solutions you both feel comfortable with. So often in our arguments with our significant other, we don’t necessarily want to “win”, we want to feel understood, and when we feel understood, we are much more willing to look for areas of compromise. When both parties do not feel understood or listened too, it’s almost always going to continue to be a “perpetual argu...