Mindful Living

How can our wounds be gifts? They sure don't feel like gifts when we are in the midst of the great pain, but with time, and looking deeply, we can find the jewel in the wound. I grew up in a home with an alcoholic father. He was addicted at a young age and it was a lifelong, intense addiction that ended up hastening his death at the age of 69. It was a difficult childhood, yet also a good one in many ways. I had nature and a close knit family that provided stability and a feeling of belonging. Today I see the gifts in being my father's daughter- in a way I could not see when I was younger. He died when I was at the young age of 23, so I have had 20 years of being without a father, and I see things differently now. The gifts of my father's addiction that I carry with me are as a therapist, I have great compassion with others who face addiction- I know that they have not "chosen" to be addicted- it is a very sad way to live, and people who are addicts are ...

By looking at what things get you upset and angry you can identify what your wounds are. For example, in my early years of marriage, I would have a "temper tantrum" if I thought my husband was spending too much time with his family. I had abandonment issues and these feelings would get triggered by this situation. One way to know that an old wound is getting triggered is by the intensity of the response- obviously my response was over the top for the situation, other emotions were being called up or my response would have been in proportion to the situation. When we have a super strong reaction to a seemingly small situation, an old wound is getting triggered. We are all wounded. We all get triggered. It's good to try and know what our wounds are so that our wounds do not dictate our life. When we are unaware of them consciously, we act them out unconsciously (my temper tantrums over my husband spending time with his family). One common theme for wounds, is that ...

Heartbreaks hurt, but they also deepen us, if we do not shut down. Many people come to counseling due to heartbreaks, and their pain is palpable. It is not fun to have our hearts broken. And it's also a part of being human that our hearts will get broken, sometimes more than once. So what to do if your heart has been broken? Know that you are in good company- it's a universal experience. Take care of yourself- eat healthy, sleep as much as you need to, reach out for support, exercise and get outdoors. Journal your feelings. Know that the pain will lessen with time. Treat yourself gently- now is not the time to criticise or blame yourself. Then when the pain has eased some, you can look at the relationship- what did you learn from it? How did it change you? In what ways were your needs met, or not met? What patterns of behavior might you want to change? And ask yourself what is next? Do not shut down from others and experiences! It is our natural instinct and it's ...

Circumstances change, people change, life changes. We have failures. Our children grow up and move away. Relationships end. We have health crisis, spiritual crisis. Jobs end. Friendships grow apart. Loved ones die. And we have successes, new relationships, new better jobs, deeper spirituality, better health, babies- New Beginnings. And the circle goes round and round. We need to honor our endings and our new beginnings. It's not only healing for us but also can help with grieving and anxiety. If we don't properly acknowledge a loss that energy or emotion can get "stuck" and can prevent us from moving on or fully engaging in our new life. Processing a new beginning and what it all means and how life will change is very helpful (for all of us that have had babies- you know what I mean!) Showers, weddings, funerals and all the planning that goes with them can be great ways of recognizing and honoring the changes in our lives, especially if we do them in a very thoughtful...

We all dream. We may not remember out dreams but we do dream. Many of us are very interested in our dreams- wanting to talk about them, think about them, ask what do they mean? We seem to know that they are important and that they reveal something about us, but we can’t make sense of them. Keeping a dream journal can be a very good way of getting in touch with emotions, insight and intuition. Dreams can show us areas of strength and also areas inside us that need healing. With recurring dreams it is often a sign of some situation/emotion that needs your attention. For many years I repeatedly dreamt about an old boyfriend and getting rejected by him, and I always woke up feeling bad about myself. What I came to understand and look at was that I was rejecting a part of myself, and once I worked on self acceptance those dreams changed- no longer was I rejected in my dreams, and then I stopped having them all together. I had someone tell me a dream that pretty much summed up much ...