Mindful Living

Most of us have been on the receiving end of passive aggressive behavior, and it can be so frustrating to deal with- maddening in fact! What exactly is passive aggressiveness? It is a pattern of behavior where the person is not direct about feelings, wants and needs, and thoughts, but expresses them indirectly. They say yes, when they really want to say no, but then later cancel for some reason, not the real reason (because they don't want to) but some other reason they come up with (reasons they often believe). Passive aggressive people "forget" to do things (they never wanted to do them in the first place, but couldn't say that), they won't tell you where they want to eat or what they want to do, but later get upset that you didn't do what they wanted. A clue that you may be dealing with passive aggressive behavior is the feeling that you don't know where a person stands/what they want, and it confuses you. You have an inkling that they may not be up...

As a therapist I bear witness to many strong emotions. Stories of grief, abandondment, unrealized dreams, deep sadness, worry, arguing, feelings of inadequacy are all visitors in the therapy office. I feel fortunate to be trusted to share the journey with my clients and I am in awe of the strengths and resilency that come forth to assist in healing. Emotions can be out guide if we allow them to be. Feelings of grief tell us about some type of loss that needs to be honored and recognized. Worry informs us about what we are afraid of. Feelings of inadequacy show us areas of ourselves that we may be too critical of. Sadness can guide us to find meaning in our lives (difficult task!). Looking at our emotions as visitors (feelings come and go) that can offer us insight and guidance can be invaluable to an examined life. Most emotions have triggers, but you must search and look deeply for what these triggers are. For example, when I start to feel anxious, I first notice the feeling i...

Doing a body scan can be a very helpful way to identify what part of your body is holding some emotions. I have found it helpful to me and others in recognizing and releasing emotions that we aren't very aware of. To do a body scan, start by taking 3 deep breaths, feeling your stomach rise, and when you exhale, blow out as much air as you can. Then starting with your head, you just give your attention to each body part and try and identify the feeling there: heavy, soft, pain, light, whatever it is it is as it should be. Work your way all the down to your feet. When you are finished, take 3 more deep breaths in, and make note of how your body felt. Doing this regularly will help you get into touch with the emotions your body is carrying around. Until next time: Be gentle with yourself and others.

I am one of these people whose emotions manifest somewhere in their bodies, almost instantaneously! Particularly anxiety or worry will be felt in my stomach usually as a swirling emotion and sadness/grief in my chest or head area. The other part of my body that carries my emotions is my lower back- not all of my back pain is emotionally connected, but when I am feeling down or having relationship issues, my lower back will often hurt. I have learned to use this as a guidance system to what is going on inside of me and to bring things into awareness that I was out of touch about and then take care of the emotions in some way. For me taking care of worry or anxiety is doing soothing self talk and exercise. I am amazed that even a 5 minute walk with almost always reduce any anxiety I feel. When I am sad or feeling down, what helps me is to journal and to connect with others, and then I usually feel the physical sensations subside. With the individuals I have seen in therapy, I have had a ...