Mindful Living

When we are in a relationship it is inevitable that you feel angry or resentful at times- completely normal part of a relationship! And if we don't share how we feel (maybe not every instance, but often enough), our resentment of the other can build, walls come up and the distance grows between us. When in a relationship there is a balance between letting things roll off your back, and also saying what is irritating or bothering you. Letting minor irritations go is very healthy for your relationship- toilet seats, socks on the floor, the bad joke, etc. If there are patterns of behavior (irresponsibility, disrespect) that continuously bother you, best to speak up! When we don't share how we feel, our resentment builds, and a kind of "numbing" can occur. We feel little or nothing for our significant other, and we wonder if we can ever be emotionally connected again. This numbing occurs because of a long time of not feeling heard, not sharing how we feel, and the distanc...

I see many people who's insecurities are harming their relationships, and I have had my fair share of feeling insecure, so I know the visitor "insecurity" well. Insecurity is a visitor because for most people, we don't always feel insecure, but things trigger it, and then we tend to act out in some way, before we return to our baseline again. There tends to be two patterns of acting out our insecurities- anger or withdrawing. With anger I usually see a very strong rageful reaction that is out of proportion to the offense committed. It tends to be irrational anger and takes their partner by surprise who doesn't understand what they did wrong. Others tend to withdraw when they feel insecure- become quiet, isolate themselves, and their partners will ask them what is wrong, but they aren't usually sure themselves. The best way to handle when you feel insecure is to RECOGNIZE it! Don't hide from it, and start to see what your triggers are. Ask yourself: what i...