Mindful Living

Being cracked open like an egg, is painful. It seems we get cracked open when great pain or a great challenge comes our way. It sure doesn’t feel good, at least at first, but often it is life’s way of deepening us and opening us up to new experiences that we may have been closed off too. In my own life I had cracks and fissures start to form when I started having children and felt the deepest love, but also the deepest fear, and my walls started to crumble. I could do longer hide behind “having the answers” and thinking I was right about things. I knew I would fail my children in some ways- I couldn’t be the all perfect mother. The world seemed more frightening and dangerous. I was “cracked open” by my love for them, and became a much wiser, understanding person than I was before children. I had a client who got cracked open by a love affair a few years ago. She had shut herself off from love because she did not think she was worthy enough, but then love found her, and her life c...

"I built a wall and I don't know how to take it down". So many of us protect ourselves by putting walls up from our loved ones, and then we feel disconnected, unloved, no spark, and lonely. I understand walls well because I have built my fair share of them. And I know the walls keep us separated from others, and it can be so hard to trust so that our walls can come down. But in order to be close, the wall has to be penetrated. First off you must trust in yourself enough to know you can handle the wall coming down (at least part way). You must trust that you will be able to care for yourself without the wall. And know that most people do not intentionally hurt us. We are all wounded, and we trigger each other's wounds when we are in a close relationship. Acknowledge your wounding and talk about it, maybe not with your partner, but with someone else who can listen and validate the feelings. Journal it, sing it, draw it-anything that allows you to express the hur...

My very athletic son is having some serious knee surgeries. He has missed two years of high school sports and may miss his last season also. He has been taking it fairly well. It has been so hard to see him in emotional and physical pain. I had to work with myself to see the "silver lining" in this. First off, he should (!) have his knee issues resolved and should (!) be able to live a very active life into his adulthood. Second, it's taught him that life can throw you curveballs, and it's up to us how we respond to it. My hope is that he becomes more resilient from this experience- I know I have. As parents we naturally want to keep our children from pain and dissappointments. Ah, but they learn and grow so much from those difficult situations! Adaptation and resiliency are two very positive things that can come from adversities. If you look for it, you will find it.