Mindful Living

The state of the union is a term I use with my couples on the periodic assessment on how the relationship is doing. At the minimum of yearly - easy to remember to do on your anniversary, is to have a conversation of what each of you feel is going right, and what parts can use some time and attention. I see many people in my office, who have been blindsided, by their partner wanting to divorce or to end the partnership. Sometimes it's because of an emotional or physical affair, but often it is not. The connection got lost for one or both of them, and they never talked about it . When this goes on for many years, it can literally kill the relationship- the fire goes out completely. Now sometimes we are able to bring it back to life, and sometimes we are not. Catching the disconnect early makes it much easier to bring the connection back, by waiting years and years, maybe even decades, the work becomes much more difficult. If you are in a relationship, it is impera...

I was not born into an educated family, or a wealthy family, or a successful family, yet somehow many of us have been bestowed with grit. Grit from Websters dictionary means "firmness of mind or spirit : unyielding courage in the face of hardship or danger". Although I am not sure that I have ever faced real danger, I certainly have had some hardships, though much less than some. As a child and teen I loved sports and would play all the time. I didn't really like the competition, but I liked the physicallness and the team work. When I was in high school, I blew out my knee before sophomore year and had to give up playing basketball, which I wasn't that sad about because high school sports felt intimidating to me. I went out for tennis instead and picked up the racket for the first time when I was almost 16. My skill was OK and I played the number 2 singles spot in our small high school, though my form was never proper and I was self-taught (our coach had neve...

August 2011 Newsletter Kettle Moraine Counseling From the director: Summer is almost gone already and I feel like I have not made the most of it yet- I haven’t swam enough, looked at stars as often, grilled out as much etc. But I am determined to make the most of the next few weeks! We have Anne Warren starting to see clients on Saturdays. She is a counselor and an art therapist who sees children and adults. Welcome aboard Anne! In this issue Deb Graf has written a great article on Boundaries. Take care of yourself and your loved ones. Devona Marshall _______________________________________________________________ What’s Controlling Your Life? Life offers many stressors that we unfortunately have no control over. With ongoing accumulated stress, we may get down and feel life is controlling us; but is that really the truth? Let’s look at the word “boundaries.” Boundaries are invisible lines that show what our responsibility is and what is not. For example, a fence is a boundary that sho...

I am a big advocate for in relationships to be gentle with each other. What I mean by that is by allowing the other to make mistakes, and not always turning into WW3. My husband is usually pretty good about cutting me slack and not expecting me to be perfect. For example, I recently yelled at him and the kids over the dog making a mess in the house. I was over the top with my irritation and I later apologized. He said he was OK (during my yelling he remained calm and didn't say much back) with it and knew that I was stressed over some personal situations which was causing my irritation to be higher. That's an example of cutting someone slack. He could have gone head to head with me and had a huge argument, but he remained calm and knew that this isn't usually how I behave, which also gave me the space to see that I wasn't treating him the way I want to treat him and I quickly apologized for my behavior. Sometimes we have bad days, we are crabby, hungry or just irritabl...