Mindful Living

So often we spend most of our time focusing on what is going wrong in our lives, instead of looking at what is going good. I am as guilty of this as anyone! Since Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, today is the day I focus on what is going right in my life. This past year, my son has had a few surgeries- knee and appendix. He has recovered, and I am thankful for the good insurance my husband's work gives us, so that we can get high quality heath care. Overall my immediate family is healthy, and even our new dog,Jordyn, who had major surgery herself last year, is healthy. Jordyn has been a huge blessing to our family, all of us love to spend time with her, and she is a great companion. She goes with Lara on Taco Bell runs, and playing outside with Zach is her favorite thing to do. Having her in our lives has enhanced our family in so many ways. My job is awesome. I truly love what I do, I love connecting with clients and helping them through their pain and life challenges. And the...

Bluebeard: Internal and External Predators One of the favorite stories that I recommend to people (especially women) is the story of Bluebeard. Essentially it goes like this: a man comes courting to some sisters, the youngest decides to marry him even though something seems “off”. She ignores her instincts, and runs off with him. Turns out that his plan was to kill her all along, but she finds this out before it is too late, and calls in help to save her. The message in the story is to trust your instincts, do not allow the predator to kill off some part of you: whether it’s your values, your creativity, your dreams, etc. As a young woman I encountered many Bluebeards; primarily men that I should have stayed away from. They were slick talkers and wanted (or demanded) more from me than I had to give. I would talk myself into that they were really OK, misunderstood, had a bad childhood, just need a break, etc. All lies I told myself in order to override my gut. I had some unmet and unawa...

I have previously written about those of us who turn our anger inward, and now I write about those who externalize their anger, and this can be done in healthy and not so healthy ways. People who turn their anger outward often yell, explode, have a temper tantrum and in the moment do not care how their actions are harming the relationship. A healthy way of externalizing our anger is to confront the person/situation that we are upset about, share how we feel in a respectful manner, and also take feedback from the other. With people turning the argument into a win-win ending takes a lot of emotionally intelligence, but mostly is what is best for the relationship. Win-lose arguments mostly harm our relationships. Using the Myers Briggs Typology, those who are Thinkers often do not have difficulty externalizing their anger, and they often don't take criticism personally, so arguments do not effect emotionally in the way it does a Feeler. Externalizing our anger toward oppression, discr...

So many of us try our best to avoid conflict of any kind- often at great expense to ourselves and our relationships. We haven't learned how to express our anger, we have been told we have "no right" to feel angry, or the adults around us showed us how to express anger in not so healthy ways- exploding, keeping it all in, or being passive- aggressive. Anger turned inwards may also result in a lack of appropriate assertiveness, stress, low mood or self-harm As far as Myers Briggs Personality Type, those of us who are "feelers" tend to have a very difficult time with conflict and expressing or even recognizing our anger. I am a feeler so I understand this well! As feelers our relationships are very important and having them be calm is when we feel the best. So when feelers have conflict in relationships, they get all tangled up inside- fret, worry, ruminate, etc. We don't like feeling like that, so we avoid conflict and speaking up, which often then we turn our...