Mindful Living

It doesn't feel very good does it? Feeling insecure at times is a universal experience, and it is really good that you can acknowledge that insecure is what you are feeling! Because that's more than half the battle- recognizing your true feelings. So often we hide feeling insecure by being angry at our significant other by accusing them of things that may or not be accurate. It is usually much easier to acknowledge being angry than it is to admit (even just to ourselves) that what is before the anger is insecurity. Our anger masks our true feelings. Because when we say we feel insecure, that means we are vulnerable. We don't really feel too vulnerable when we are angry. Being vulnerable to another is difficult. And the benefits are amazing! I have seen people go from chronic insecurity in a relationship, to having those insecure feelings almost vanish overnight by recognizing and talking about them to their partner! Now that is some powerful medicine! Does it always work th...

Music almost always lifts my mood, but it took me a while to understand this. When I am devoid of music for long periods I am not as happy- life doesn't have the depth or richness as when music is playing. I usually don't like the sappy love songs as much (although I still listen and sing to them!). Listening to Janis Ian's first album when I am down or melancholy is like a salve on a wound. She certainly understood darkness, as did the much older Simon and Garfunkel. When I am housecleaning, I need upbeat music, so I to listen to the kids artists: Beyonce, Fergie, Katie Perry, etc. The rhythms get me moving. When exercising, I listen to classic rock- Journey, Bruce, ELO, Billy Squire. Or ABBA and Bee Gees. Slow dancing with my hubby? Tony Bennet, Patsy Cline or Frank Sinatra. As embarrassing as this is to admit, but singing in the car tends to be Peter Paul and Mary or Barry Manilow! Nothing like Puff or Copacabana to belt things out by yourself. I have recently started l...

Kettle Moraine Counseling October 2010 Newsletter From the director: The leaves are turning colors and it gets chilly at night. I love the cooler air! We are walking more at night as a family and that’s been a very nice experience and good time to talk. At the clinic, our two new therapists (Deb Graf and Layne Sampson) are up and running and doing great. Tricia Schutz has expanded her hours due to high demand and it’s been nice having her around more. The play therapy room has been a hit so far with kids, and we are so happy to be able to offer that service to the community. Thank you to our clients and others who refer to us- we appreciate it and will continue to practice with integrity and skill. Who’s the Real Teacher? By Deb Graf As adults, we often focus on what we can teach children to help them function in society. I challenge us to think about the opposite: how children teach us. Youngsters bring life to our world: they teach us to have fun, enjoy th...

Telling stories can be a fun activity, but it is also good for you! When we share stories of how we grew up, our parents or extended families, we build upon the connections and it helps shape our identity. Telling stories helps us see that we are part of something much larger than ourselves. My father told a lot of stories, and I hated listening to them, but now I wished I had listened a little more closely. My children love hearing stories of my family and can be entertained for hours by them. So here is a brief, kind of funny story from my childhood: When I was about 8, I was at the local bar with my father, and he told me to drive home, which was a little over 2 miles away. I was excited, but also afraid. Being that I seldom turned down a challenge I got behind the wheel and drove us home. It was difficult to see out of the windshield because I wasn't tall enough. My father yelled a few times because I was too close to the edge of the road, but other than that I did great!...

September 2010 Newsletter Kettle Moraine Counseling We are happy to announce 2 new therapists joining us! Deb Graf (http://kettlemorainecounseling.com/Deb.htm) sees children, adolescents, adults and couples and she comes with many years of experience as a teacher. One of Deb’s specialties is working with children who have experienced trauma or have attachment issues. Layne Sampson (http://kettlemorainecounseling.com/Layne.htm) is another new therapist who is energetic, accepting of others and very skilled. She sees adolescents, adults and couples and one of her specialties is intimacy/couples issues. Layne is also working on becoming a yoga instructor! Kettle Moraine Counseling now has a play therapy room (pictures coming soon)! It’s a wonderful, safe place for children to explore, heal and express themselves. Question and Answer. I feel so stressed out and irritable all the time! What are some ways I can get a handle of this? First off, good job recognizing that something needs to c...

What is self esteem? It seems like a not so well defined word that we use a lot in daily life. I see many people who think they do not have high self esteem, and it always takes some digging to find out what that means to them. How I define self esteem is this sturdiness inside and a love for ourselves on a deep level, even with our imperfections. It's the sense that we know we are OK. The most beautiful part of knowing that we are OK is that others are OK then too- and that is very powerful for relationships and healing. Self esteem is not thinking that we are all that, or that we are better than others, but also, we are not worse than others either. Most of the time when people come off as arrogant or act like they are very special, it's a false sense of importance in order to hide wounds and feelings of inadequacies. People with high self esteem are able to admit when they are wrong because it doesn't mean that there is something wrong with them . People with good self e...

Heartbreaks hurt, but they also deepen us, if we do not shut down. Many people come to counseling due to heartbreaks, and their pain is palpable. It is not fun to have our hearts broken. And it's also a part of being human that our hearts will get broken, sometimes more than once. So what to do if your heart has been broken? Know that you are in good company- it's a universal experience. Take care of yourself- eat healthy, sleep as much as you need to, reach out for support, exercise and get outdoors. Journal your feelings. Know that the pain will lessen with time. Treat yourself gently- now is not the time to criticise or blame yourself. Then when the pain has eased some, you can look at the relationship- what did you learn from it? How did it change you? In what ways were your needs met, or not met? What patterns of behavior might you want to change? And ask yourself what is next? Do not shut down from others and experiences! It is our natural instinct and it's ...