Remembering My Mother
Being the youngest of 10 children, I probably got more attention than my siblings did, particularly from my mother. My mom, Jeanette, was very good with babies; she could magically calm them down, when the rest of us had no success. My first child was born when I was very young myself, and having Jeanette as my mother really helped me to develop myself as a parent. By watching her, I learned to bathe, sooth, feed and comfort him. One night she came home from work and he had been fussy for hours, and nothing could calm him; she took him from me and within moments he was calm and sleeping- she couldn't stand to see a baby cry! As the babies got older, she wasn't so good with them asserting their independence, but she was the best baby soother I have ever seen.
When I was giving birth to my first son, my mother was outside the room waiting and listening. Although she had 10 children, she knew little about childbirth because of the wonders of pain medication with some memory erasing qualities. When I was 3 centimeters dilated, she asked the nurse if the baby was "crowning" yet; the nurse smiled gently and told her no (the nurse knew my mother had given birth to 10 children). She hated waiting outside the birthing room, but there was no space inside, and as soon as he was born, she burst into the room.
My mother was there for me in the ways that she knew how to be. When I got into some (minor) legal trouble as a teen, she dragged my father to the court room with her and paid my fine on the spot- a lot of money for them at the time, and although she was a master at making people feel guilty, she never brought that "incident" up to me.
She was a awesome cook, and good food was always in our home. Saturdays were baking days and Sunday mornings we eat all the baked goods. There was a large supper every night, even though she went to work at 4, she had a meal ready for us when we got home from school. Spaghetti was mine and my sisters favorite, but the baked chicken or pork chops were pretty tasty too!
Having her children grow up and leave home, and her husband dying when she was in her early 60's, really changed my mother; she never recovered from those changes. All of her adult life she was a wife and mother, and she didn't know how to be anything else. The lesson I learned from watching her navigate the elder years, is that we must be willing to recreate ourselves as our lives will change, and forging new identities will keep us from not being able to transition. We can either go with the change, or become fearful and depressed. I hope to be able to see the role changes as a time for opportunity, but I do know that watching my own children leave the nest hasn't been real easy. .
If there is one thing about life that is true, it's that things change.
I miss my mother, this week especially. If she were alive, I would have her and my sisters over for Mothers Day, or if she were still healthy, she would cook a meal and have her childen over. We would play sheepshead.
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I will always remember her with love.