Being Kind

What's the cure for  low self esteem?  Being kinder to yourself!  Sounds much easier than it really is. We spend so much time "beating ourselves up" over all our mistakes, and then we wonder why we don't feel very good about ourselves.  Self compassion will raise your self esteem, but not in an "oh I am so special" type of way, but in a real, 'we are all flawed humans making our way through life the best we can'  type of way.

Being kind to yourself means that when you make a mistake, you tell yourself that it's OK, you will do better next time; take the lesson from the mistake and then move on. Self kindness means that you know you aren't perfect and you will mess up, but it does not mean you are a horrible person for making a mistake!  Compassion to self means you ask yourself what you need and you take care of your needs, because you are important; it does not mean that your needs are more important than others' needs. 

Many of us were not raised with good role models for self kindness, but that's OK, it's not an excuse to not treat yourself gently now.  Perhaps you grew up in a home where criticism was rampant; they didn't know any better. And the people I meet who are most critical of others, are often the hardest on themselves (sometimes secretly).

Those of us who are the most compassionate with ourselves are also the kindest to others.  It's a win-win for the world.  I end with an exercise from a book I am reading about kindess.....

"When recalling an aspect of your personality you dislike, notice how the perceived flaw is treated.  Notice the emotional tone of the language  you use to describe the problem.  See what happens when, rather than attacking and berating yourself for being inadequate, you relax your tone, soften your body, and offer yourself warmth and unconditional acceptance."   Sharon Salzberg in the Kindness Handbook