January 2013 Newsletter

Happy New Year!  I like new beginnings, so a new year feels good.  Problem is I don't often like endings, LOL.  But we must have endings in order to have something new begin in our lives.  On New Years Day I wrote down what I wanted to leave behind in 2012 and what I wanted to bring in to 2013.  It was a good exercise, and made me realized how fortunate I am.  Gratitude is a powerful emotion; it changes our outlook on life.   There is some research coming out that gratitude actually changes our brains- now that is some powerful stuff!

Things are well at the Kettle Moraine Counseling.  We have openings for clients, so if you or someone you know needs some extra help, don't hesitate to call. At home I am keeping some of my holiday lights up as a reminder that the days are getting longer and the light shall return : )  In the research update I have included research on expressing anger and how much we change over time!   Til next time, be gentle with yourself and others.

Devona Marshall

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Communication 101

 Many of us do not know how to communicate with our significant other, children ,coworkers, etc, and we don't really hear what the other is saying. Then we stop talking or it escalates into an argument. Here are some guidelines to help prevent that from happening:

 - try really hard to listen without getting defensive! Difficult yes, but essential to understanding each other. Keep an open mind and don't take what is being said personally.

 - reflect back what you think they said to see if you got it right. Do this in your own words, without defending yourself. You want to make sure you understand what they are saying and you can't do that without hearing them.

 - after you understand what the other is saying, now you can respond about your perspective. Listen and respond more from how each of you felt versus what you did. When the emotions are understood, we really feel like we have been listened to.

 - if you are engaged in a verbal battle, look for some points in each other's argument that you can agree with. This is a great skill for deescalating arguments!

 - practice, practice practice. Learning to communicate differently does not come easily, but the rewards will be great!          

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 Research Update:
Get angry and live longer? 
January 5, 2013, CBS News
Study shows people who express their anger may live two years longer, on average, than those who bottle up their rage.
    So work on expressing your anger in appropriate ways!  You will be less stressed!  D


You can't see it, but you'll be a different person in 10 years
January 3, 2013, NPR
People generally fail to appreciate how much their personality and values will change in the years ahead — even though they recognize that they have changed in the past.
        I love this!!!  Confirmation that we are all growing and changing.     D



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