Necessary Suffering



I have recently finished the book Falling Upward and I was deeply moved by it.  The author is a Franciscan Catholic priest,  with a keen understanding of the two parts of life.  The first part, where we build our ego, decide who we are in the world, get a career/job, relationship and establish boundaries, and then the second half of life where we become deeper thinkers, reevaluate goals, become more inclusive and wiser.

I highly recommend the book, but one idea he talked about that struck me was necessary suffering.  There are things in life that will cause us to suffer, some are necessary and some suffering it not necessary at all.

Failing is necessary suffering.  None of us go through life moving from success to success.  When we fail we learn so much, and it can also be so painful.  1st stage of life suffering: we don't get into the college we want, we don't make the sports team, we get dumped, we learn the limits of money, our parents let us down, the world lets us down, our friends desert us, etc.  If we do not encounter adversity and failing we will not grow; the suffering can be very good for us!

Because all my children are young adults right now, there is a lot of growing and also necessary suffering going on in their lives.  This book has helped me take an emotional step back as a parent and not get too wrapped up in their journeys.  It helps to know that this is how it is supposed to be.

Because I am in the second half of life, my necessary suffering is different.  Health issues, death, aging bodies, loss,  feeling the limited time left, and trying to make sure my life has the important elements in it for this stage, and tackling spiritual identity issues can cause the suffering in the second half of life.  And I encounter many of these concerns on a daily basis now!

Accepting that we will all suffer feels releasing to me; I n0 longer have to rebel against suffering or put a positive spin on it way too soon (which is a defense mechanism of mine!)  Accepting that my children will suffer frees me from getting too emotionally wrapped up when they encounter failure.

The suffering is necessary for their growth and mine.




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