Seeking Safety

We all seek safety in our lives;   safety from physical harm and emotional harm.

We all know for the most part how to keep ourselves physically safe; wear seat belts, lock your doors, take precautions with power equipment, look before you cross the street, wear helmets, etc.

Where we struggle is keeping ourselves emotionally safe, and whether that should even be a goal of ours. If we have been seriously emotionally wounded in our lives, we strongly seek emotional safety and I think it is necessary for us to find emotional safety in order to heal our wounds.  Emotional safety calms our brain and body down enough to deal with the wounding that has occurred.  Having safe relationships is INVALUABLE to our healing.

But as we get stronger and our brains and bodies have calmed down, we can start to take more emotional risks and not longer need to always seek out emotional safety.  We get stronger inside, can tolerate more unsettledness inside of us and outside of us.  We no longer need the world to go a certain way in order for us to not be thrown off our center.

Aging has it's perks!  When I was younger I would have many triggers internally and externally that would send me into an emotionally tizzy.  I have less of that now, although it still happens, I have more of a capacity to work with the strong emotions, to self soothe, to get closer to the feelings and acknowledge and take care of them.  I can mother myself better.

A pattern that I had from as far back as I can remember is to withdraw when I feel emotionally unsafe.  Due to working hard on that and REALLY wanting to change it, I have.   If I do withdraw it's for much shorter periods of time and it happens much less frequently.  I logically knew that I did not want space from my loved ones, I NEEDED them, but didn't know how to ask for it.  I don't know if this pattern of mine will ever be completely gone, but good progress has been made.

We need safe relationships in order to feel emotional safety.  But as we get stronger inside, our tolerance for situations that we see as unsafe grows, we become less reactive, and can stay more calm and feel more sturdy.

Like my favorite Willow tree; we bend but do not break.