Midlife Changes

 Good morning on this chilly fall day.  Most of the leaves are off the trees and it's dark early now.  Time to go within!  With the extra time this morning I wrote down my dreams; a fjord figured prominently, as did a deceased aunt, journaled what I am grateful for, and wrote about some difficult emotions.

I am reading Traveling with Pomegranates by Sue Monk Kidd and her daughter, Ann Kidd Taylor.  I highly recommend the book and am trying to get my daughter to read it.   It's a memoir of sorts of Sue and her daughter traveling and exploring the feminine and also some of the stages of female development.  Her daughter just graduated college and is trying to figure herself and her career out with all the angst that comes with that.  And Sue is facing midlife, aging and menopause.  The Sacred and Goddesses are weaved into the book quite well.  As a family we are traveling to Greece next year, and I hope to visit many of the same Goddess sites that Sue and her daughter explore; particularly Athena, Demeter and Persephone.  One year we "acted" out the Persephone/Demeter story with our youngish children, and besides being very fun, it helped the myth come alive for all of us.  In fall, Persephone has to travel to Hades for 6 months of the year, but she will return to her mother, Demeter,  and the upper world in spring!

                                                                 Demeter

                                                              Persephone and the Pomegranate


Which brings me to my own midlife/menopause journey.  I turned 50 this past year, and time has made an impact on my body, mind and spirit. Mind is increasingly confident, less reactive,  calmer, kinder, and has stronger/healthier relationships.  Spirit is wiser all around, feels blessed, sees the big picture, has a spiritual practice, and is more accepting of  all the rising/falling, birth and death that all of our lives are made of, with a lot of mystery thrown in!

My body is struggling with time, much more than my mind or spirit.  Although nothing life threatening has developed, (yet!) lol, my body has faced numerous challenges.  The most recent being surgical menopause.  Although I was well into peri-menopause, suddenly not have a uterus or ovaries feels like I have quickly crossed a threshold, and joined all my sisters who have reached this milestone naturally or with medical intervention. It certainly feels like a big deal to me!  I want to naturally direct more of my energy inward, and also do more creating- possibly by writing.  The plan is to use this time to go inward and to create the space inside of me to see what my next "baby" will be.

While I was recovering at home, I was introduced to the poet Lucille Clifton, and I share 2 of her poems here,  fittingly about menopause..

to my last period

Lucille Clifton, 1936 - 2010

well, girl, goodbye,
after thirty-eight years.
thirty-eight years and you
never arrived
splendid in your red dress
without trouble for me
somewhere, somehow. now it is done,
and i feel just like
the grandmothers who,
after the hussy has gone,
sit holding her photograph
and sighing, wasn’t she beautiful? wasn’t she beautiful?wasn’t she beautiful?

Sadly, I didn't realize I was having my last . a few months ago : ( I would have been more reflective instead of wanting it to be over.

poem to my uterus

Lucille Clifton, 1936 - 2010you uterus
you have been patient
as a sock
while i have slippered into you
my dead and living children
now
they want to cut you out
stocking i will not need
where i am going
where am i going
old girl
without you
uterus
my bloody print
my estrogen kitchen
my black bag of desire
where can i go
barefoot
without you
where can you go
without me

Til next time, may you honor your journey around the sun.