Self Esteem vs Self Compassion
I recently read an article in Psychology Today that helped to clarify my views on self esteem. One of the goals for people who come to therapy often is to "improve self esteem", and to be honest, as clinicians we don't always consciously know the right recipe to help with that- but fortunately, we intuitively know what to do. If someone has "contingent self esteem" (a feeling of self worth based upon outside validation), then we become puppets- happy or sad depending upon what is happening outside of us and who/what is validating us, or not validating us at the moment. For example, you are single and a few people are interested in you- boom! You feel great, but then take away the attention, and you feel down again. This often causes us to feel like yoyos and never have firm ground to stand on. The way to authentic self esteem is compassion. Treat yourself gently , especially when you make mistakes. Know that you will be crabby, you will say the wrong thing, you ...