Mindful Living

She decided to let him back in; to try and trust again. And she was afraid- afraid to reveal her true self, afraid to be let down as she was in the past. But she took the chance; for she wanted to feel true love again. And it was a tentative love. They were both cautious with each other. Afraid to upset this new found connection, for fear the fighting and distance would come back. How had we reached this point-Where we were afraid to be close? How did we get so far away from each other, only to find we really wanted to be loved by the person who knew us best and the longest? She is cautiously optimistic that they will "make it"; there is more touching, more sharing and more laughing. She starts to feel safe. But he lets her down, just as he has in the past. Her heart is broken; she "knew" she shouldn't have trusted him or tried. Always disappointed.... She is furious with herself for putting herself out there to get hurt again. Didn't she know better...

I have been listening to Clarissa Pinkola Estes and her talk about what we hunger for, struck me. I have heard it many times before, but this time I HEARD it. What we are hungry for is very different from choosing what is laid out before us. For example, we look at a magazine, and then desire an outfit we see in it, versus asking yourself 'what is my style' or 'what clothes express who I am inside', or a biggie 'how would I dress to express my soul'. It very likely will be a different answer than what you see in the magazine. So often I get caught up in buying the latest gadget or fad, but the truth of the matter is that the joy does not last very long when I buy things. Ask yourself: what things have I bought that have really enhanced my life? 10 years ago the answer for me was our king sized bed because the whole family could cuddle in it. Right now the answer is probably our cabin (again the family time). For most of us the answer to that question will be som...

I have been reading the book Hold Me Tight, and it's help change how I see behaviors in relationships. When we act "out" by withdrawing, yelling or demanding, it's often because we do not feel connected and we are "protesting" the distance; it's actually our way of trying to be closer! The way that I primarily protest distance in my marriage is by stonewalling (basically withdrawing either physically or emotionally). My husband usually persuades (or pursues) me to get closer again, and that usually works! In this past week though, I was able to notice myself withdrawing because I didn't feel connected (he's busy and distracted with work and I was feeling neglected). I started stonewalling, but then caught myself and moved closer to him (because that's what I really wanted!). Others protest the distance by complaining or nagging; we feel disconnected, and want to be closer so badly. We don't like feeling distant from our loved ones, and th...

From the Director: I am settled back in from my Christmas vacation, and I do like the normalcy of my weeks. One of my goals for the new year was to exercise more, and I have been faithful to that- even though my back isn't sure it likes all the activity (LOL). The latest book I am reading is Hold Me Tight, by Sue Johnson, and I am so enjoying it. It's about attachment issues in adult relationships. We all want to feel safe, secure and that we matter to our significant other, and this book clearly explains how to build our connections. I highly reccomend it! The picture I chose for this newletter is of the Northern Lights. The first and only time I saw the Northern Lights, is the night my mother died. I was leaving my sister's home and I looked to the northern sky and I wasn't sure what I was seeing- I went home and asked my husband who explained. I hear that seeing the Northern Lights in Canada is incredible, and I hope to have that experience one day. In this issue we ...

Being vulnerable is a sign of strength, not weakness. It means that you feel secure enough in yourself to expose the painful areas. In therapy when a client starts to share their vulnerabilities, I know we are really getting somewhere! Because once they trust me enough, they will be able to transfer that outside of the therapy office. Look at being vulnerable as a strength that you have; it will deepen your relationships, your connections to others will grow, and loneliness will lessen. It took me a long time to share my "soft underbelly" with my husband, so I do know that what I am advising can be very difficult to do! But as I felt more emotionally safe, and I got stronger inside, I could share more and more. Today my connection with him is very strong and one of the biggest joys of my life. I know this journey can be difficult, but it is so worth it! When you are vulnerable, you are telling yourself that you accept yourself and all the different sides of you that you may b...