When conversations become heated
When Conversations Become Heated
1. Slow things down! Breathe! Breathing becomes shallow when we are upset-taking longer, deeper breaths calms the body and mind. Take 10 seconds to breathe.
2. If needed, take a Time Out, to compose yourself. An hour is usually more than enough-often 5-10 minutes will work too.
3. State your position, but listen to the other person’s side too! Look for some point of agreement in both sides- this is difficult, but with practice becomes easier. This tip is extremely important to stop gridlocks. The more each of you feel heard and understood the less likely gridlocks will occur.
4. Look for solutions/compromises. If there aren’t any (which will happen) agree to disagree, but be respectful of the other’s point of view. There isn’t a right or wrong, just different viewpoints.
5. Remember you are on the same Team. What’s healthy for the TEAM? If one person always wins, that is very bad for the team. Try and think in terms of win win for both people. You want your team to be strong and continue to grow!
Devona L Marshall is a psychotherapist who has had many heated conversations with her husband over the past 18 years.
1. Slow things down! Breathe! Breathing becomes shallow when we are upset-taking longer, deeper breaths calms the body and mind. Take 10 seconds to breathe.
2. If needed, take a Time Out, to compose yourself. An hour is usually more than enough-often 5-10 minutes will work too.
3. State your position, but listen to the other person’s side too! Look for some point of agreement in both sides- this is difficult, but with practice becomes easier. This tip is extremely important to stop gridlocks. The more each of you feel heard and understood the less likely gridlocks will occur.
4. Look for solutions/compromises. If there aren’t any (which will happen) agree to disagree, but be respectful of the other’s point of view. There isn’t a right or wrong, just different viewpoints.
5. Remember you are on the same Team. What’s healthy for the TEAM? If one person always wins, that is very bad for the team. Try and think in terms of win win for both people. You want your team to be strong and continue to grow!
Devona L Marshall is a psychotherapist who has had many heated conversations with her husband over the past 18 years.
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