Shame
I had felt ashamed of myself since a young age. My parents certainly did the best they could, but you can’t heal what you don’t name- they felt ashamed of themselves, and just passed those feelings onto their children.
Shame is a negative emotion, for the most part. There are times when we should feel ashamed (such as when you call others names, deliberately hurt someone, etc), but most of us feel ashamed way to often, and it becomes a way of being, versus a passing feeling. If the shame starts to cause us to feel inherently bad about ourselves, it has taken over. It is no longer just a feeling, but has us in its grip.
When we internalize the feeling that there is something wrong with us, we have problems. We all do things wrong make poor choices, say things we don’t mean, etc, but at our CORE, we are OK-worthwhile beings in our own right, who occasionally make mistakes.
But when life or other people tell us otherwise, we tend to believe them, at least as children. We don’t have the filters or internal reserves to say that it isn’t right. And if our parents did not feel OK about themselves, they will pass that not OK’ness on to us. If I am not OK, how can my children be OK?
I grew up in a household with a lot of shame. Validation and positive support was pretty much unheard of in our house. It took many years of working on myself to believe that I had inherent worth and so did my parents! When I could see the good in them, I was also able to see the good in myself.
We pass our wounds onto our children whether we want to or not. And we do the best we can.
Love and support yourself- you ARE good. Release the shame- you took it on because the wounded people around you didn’t know what else to do with their pain. The shame we feel does not belong to us, so release it. Tell yourself that you are OK, give yourself compliments, treat yourself gently when you make mistakes, cut yourself slack, and surround yourself with people who support you and your shame will ease.
Today I choose to release the shame I feel about myself
Shame is a negative emotion, for the most part. There are times when we should feel ashamed (such as when you call others names, deliberately hurt someone, etc), but most of us feel ashamed way to often, and it becomes a way of being, versus a passing feeling. If the shame starts to cause us to feel inherently bad about ourselves, it has taken over. It is no longer just a feeling, but has us in its grip.
When we internalize the feeling that there is something wrong with us, we have problems. We all do things wrong make poor choices, say things we don’t mean, etc, but at our CORE, we are OK-worthwhile beings in our own right, who occasionally make mistakes.
But when life or other people tell us otherwise, we tend to believe them, at least as children. We don’t have the filters or internal reserves to say that it isn’t right. And if our parents did not feel OK about themselves, they will pass that not OK’ness on to us. If I am not OK, how can my children be OK?
I grew up in a household with a lot of shame. Validation and positive support was pretty much unheard of in our house. It took many years of working on myself to believe that I had inherent worth and so did my parents! When I could see the good in them, I was also able to see the good in myself.
We pass our wounds onto our children whether we want to or not. And we do the best we can.
Love and support yourself- you ARE good. Release the shame- you took it on because the wounded people around you didn’t know what else to do with their pain. The shame we feel does not belong to us, so release it. Tell yourself that you are OK, give yourself compliments, treat yourself gently when you make mistakes, cut yourself slack, and surround yourself with people who support you and your shame will ease.
Today I choose to release the shame I feel about myself
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