Cutting each other slack








I am a big advocate for in relationships to be gentle with each other. What I mean by that is by allowing the other to make mistakes, and not always turning into WW3. My husband is usually pretty good about cutting me slack and not expecting me to be perfect. For example, I recently yelled at him and the kids over the dog making a mess in the house. I was over the top with my irritation and I later apologized. He said he was OK (during my yelling he remained calm and didn't say much back) with it and knew that I was stressed over some personal situations which was causing my irritation to be higher. That's an example of cutting someone slack. He could have gone head to head with me and had a huge argument, but he remained calm and knew that this isn't usually how I behave, which also gave me the space to see that I wasn't treating him the way I want to treat him and I quickly apologized for my behavior.


Sometimes we have bad days, we are crabby, hungry or just irritable for no reason. We say things we don't really mean, we lack patience, we show our "ugly" side. We make mistakes.


What helps most of us "snap out of it" is kindness from another. When we are gentle with each other, it really changes the relationship to one of support and love where we don't always have to defend ourselves. It greatly reduces the defensiveness in the relationship and we feel much closer. My husband does a good job of accepting me for who I am and not expecting me to be "perfect". I have gotten better over the years mainly do to him being a role model for me- when another accepts us and allows us to make mistakes, we become more gentle with ourselves and then also more gentle with others. Our relationships become more harmonious because we know that we are all imperfect beings, and we can be OK with that. Perfectionism in a relationship can do a lot of harm.


I am not advocating for "anything goes" and that we shouldn't have boundaries and standards on how we want to be treated. Being gentle does not give the other a reason to abuse us. Most of us want to be close and feel loved though, and if we practice cutting each other slack the relationship can transform to one where both parties feel very supported and loved.


Isn't that what we all really want?

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