Mindful Living

I recently read an article in Psychology Today that helped to clarify my views on self esteem. One of the goals for people who come to therapy often is to "improve self esteem", and to be honest, as clinicians we don't always consciously know the right recipe to help with that- but fortunately, we intuitively know what to do. If someone has "contingent self esteem" (a feeling of self worth based upon outside validation), then we become puppets- happy or sad depending upon what is happening outside of us and who/what is validating us, or not validating us at the moment. For example, you are single and a few people are interested in you- boom! You feel great, but then take away the attention, and you feel down again. This often causes us to feel like yoyos and never have firm ground to stand on. The way to authentic self esteem is compassion. Treat yourself gently , especially when you make mistakes. Know that you will be crabby, you will say the wrong thing, you ...

Happy New Year! Clinic News: Things are well at the clinic. I am so fortunate to have a job that I love- when I got back from our anniversary trip, I was very excited to get back to seeing clients! We have some good news about insurance: we WILL continue to be in the Humana network for 2012. Previously I had told our clients that we would not be in the network, but we were able to work things out. Tricia Schutz wrote an article on parenting for this newsletter- she is the mother of 2 young girls. I have not made any resolutions for 2012, except I will continue with Pilates; it's helped my aches and pains enormously, and I brought a yoga mat to the clinic so that I can do some stretching during downtime. Now that the holidays are done, focus on caring for yourself and your needs- sleep well, move your body, eat foods that are satisfying, and do something creative (write, draw, paint, sing, dance). Til next time, be gentle with yourself and others. Devona Marshall, clini...

I just watched it, and it hangs around for a while. It keeps coming back to me and making me think about it from different angles.

We have been here for 13 days now, and my homesickness is not as strong now that the kids are here! There are many differences between how we live and how the Italians live; some good and some bad depending on your point of view Everyone is thin here! And their clothes sizing is much smaller than ours- Lara wears a medium in the US but she is an XL here- something she wasn't very happy about! I asked some locals why everyone is so thin, and the two answers I got was that the food is much more natural and the portion sizes are smaller. I didn't see any "gyms" like we have all over our town; they don't make a point to work out, but walk everywhere. Most everywhere we eat, the food is local, so given that it is winter- there was a lot of cabbage in the food we were served. I liked eating locally grown food, but I missed my "american" food after a week! There aren't any "Walmarts"; people shop at the local small merchants- the butcher, bakery a...

We are in Italy celebrating our 20 year anniversary. We were young when we got married and we had many ups and downs. I really like being married to Steve, and because we grew and changed together, we adapted to what each of us needs in a partner. He takes very good care of me and supports me in all things that I want to do; he is protective and always has my back. I like to think that I have given him stability, challenged him to grow, and adventure- I can get bored easily and need to keep life interesting! Steve helped heal all my insecurities that I carried with me for such a long time, and that is truly one of the biggest gifts ever. So when I see clients' insecurities, I have much compassion- it is so painful to feel like we are not good enough in some ways, or in all ways. Not that insecurities are gone forever, but they can be greatly lessened and more in the background of our lives, not the forefront. Being in Italy together has been a great experience. Steve practiced Ital...

Our anger is an important emotion for our health, and because few of us have had good role models on dealing with our anger, we may have coping mechanisms that may not be the healthiest. When I was younger, I externalized a lot of my anger; I yelled easily, would interpret events as "unjust", and would be "pissed off" often. Now I internalize my anger more, which is probably a better balance for me. I think about why I am angry and can ruminate, but I probably don't express it as I could to the person/situaton that I am upset about. Anger is natural and can be a healthy emotion! There is no escaping or hiding from anger, so it's best that you make friends with it. Come to some understanding of what situations cause you to feel angry, figure out how to recognize your anger, and also decide what responses to anger you will feel best about. Deciding what situations make you feel the most angry. There is usually a theme behind them all. Such as, I am be...

Kettle Moraine Counseling December 2011 Newsletter Happy Holidays! Take time to appreciated your loved ones and count the blessings in your life. I see a lot of couples for counseling, and I see what chronic loneliness can do to us. When we don’t feel connected to others, whether it is our significant other, friends or family, we feel lonely. We need people! And we need closeness in order to feel the “best”. Nurture those relationships- they are the most important thing in our lives. My own family will be spending the holiday in Italy to celebrate 20 years of marriage. If you check in with my blog, there will be more on this (anniversary and trip) in the upcoming weeks. Julianne wrote an article in this issue to follow up on “family rituals”. Enjoy! Be gentle with yourself and others. See you next year! Devona Marshall Clinic Director ___________________________________________________________ Taking care of yourself during the holidays…… Holiday are an opportunity to connect, to refl...