Being alone

I am one of those people who need a lot of alone time, in order to clear my thoughts/emotions and get grounded. Part of this is because I am very in tune to how others feel (which I hope makes me a good therapist!), and I can unplug from that only when I am alone.

Lately I have not had enough alone time, and I don’t feel as grounded or as peaceful inside. I have resolved to change that, and started so this past weekend. When I am alone, I journal, vegetate, sing, read, blog and exercise- activities that bring me much joy! I am not someone who is afraid of being alone, although sometimes I take my aloneness too far- where I don’t connect with the people in my life that I love and cherish, and then I start to feel alone, which is very different from being alone. If I retreat too much from loved ones, I don’t feel emotionally connected, and being an introvert, I do not have a lot of relationships, just a few close ones. When I feel alone it seems like I don’t have any anchors or touchstones, and I know that all of us need to feel the human connection (yes even introverts!) and it can seem that I am in this world by myself. So for me, the best is a balance between alone time, and also connection time- neglecting neither, and depending upon what is going on in my life, sometimes more alone, sometimes more connection time.

I do know people who are afraid of being alone. Sometimes it is just that they are not used to it, and think it will be awful, and other times, it’s that they are afraid, of what, they don’t know, but for some it is because they feel they need the constant validation of another and if they are alone it means no one is thinking of them or caring about them. That almost sounds like attachment issue- where you can’t sustain the emotional attachment feelings if the other is not with you. Remember your love and connections are sustained even if you are apart! Tell yourself if you are afraid to be alone; It is safe for me to be alone. Practicing being alone is helpful. Do some planned activities with yourself (reading, drawing, walking, writing, dancing, etc) , and my guess is that you will find that you do like your own company!

Some people may crave many hours by themselves; others may find suffiencet solace in small doses of separate time. Regardless of the dosage, solitude is a deep, soothing, and persistent call in life….. alonetime is vital to our peace and existence, a route open to us for survival. Ester Shaler Buchholz in The Call of Solitude